When you're gone

If anyone is reading this blog you'll have noticed I haven't posted much lately. To be honest, I'm in a completely unsocial mood and not really enjoying the Sydney experience all that much.

It's been a pretty tough month with illness and the death of my 95 years young Nanna. It wasn't a great surprise to lose her, and she was ready to go. The chapel service was lovely and I was feeling very sombre & reflective about the whole thing. I figured I'd manage to get through the day without crying...that was until I went looking for my Pop and found him sitting alone in the chapel before the service. I touched him gently on the shoulder, to let him know we were there for him, to pay our condolences. His back stooped over, his shoulders hunched, he looked up at me with tears running down his face.
'Oh Becky...I was just lost in my thoughts'
My battle against tears was in vain at this point.

How could you be anything but lost? Pop and Nanna were both 95 and they'd been together since they were teenagers. 76 years. It would have been their 70th wedding anniversary this coming December.

I can't imagine it. Being with someone for that long and then losing them. We all know that one day we're going to be gone; but how do you go on when you're the one left on your own? I hope I never need to answer this question.

RIP Annie...I hope you're dancing with the angels. Or, as your three children suggested at the funeral, you're likely looking down and wishing you could boss them around! :)

Edited to add: Crazy Sister's sweet reply reminded me of the fresh air and delight that Miss M was at Nanna's funeral. In all of their innocence, sometimes it's the children that act in a way you never expected. She's 2.5. I haven't broached the subject of Nanna being in heaven with her, but somehow in the sombre atmosphere she understood the gravity of the moment.

As we all filed past to leave, we all placed a flower or two on her coffin. Dressed in her little white dress, Miss M gently placed the flower at the head of the casket and after I had done the same; she gave a little smile and waved at the coffin with a 'bye Nanna'. Somehow, she just knew.

Outside, she was full of smiles and giggles, the silence and reverence of the ceremony forgotten. She played, danced around and in all of the tears of the family & friends, she was a bright little spark of joy. I lost track of the wavering smiles and laughs she enticed out of people on Thursday. :)